Power & Control Wheel

Are you wondering what the different types of manipulation and abuse can look like? This wheel is very helpful in learning more about how certain situations can connect & what abuse may look like in your context. Click here to interact with this wheel.

Warning Signs

Being able to tell the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships can be more difficult than you would think. No two relationships are the same, so what’s unhealthy in one relationship may be abusive in another. Although there are many signs to pay attention to in a relationship, look for these common warning signs of dating abuse.

Resources for LGBTQ+ Persons Experiencing Abuse

Everybody deserves a safe and healthy relationship. You may think LGBTQ couples cannot be in abusive relationships, but that’s not true.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) youth experience dating abuse at the same rates and in similar ways as heterosexual couples do. In fact, one in three young people — straight, gay and everyone in between — experience some form of dating abuse.

So What Does Consent Look Like?

Some people are worried that talking about or getting consent will be awkward or that it will “ruin the mood,” which is far from true. If anything, the mood is much more positive when both partners feel safe and can freely communicate about what they want. First off, talk about what terms like “hooking up” or “going all the way” mean to each partner. Consider having these conversations during a time when you’re not being physically intimate.

If you are in the heat if the moment, here are some suggestions of things to say:

• Are you comfortable?

• Is this okay?

• Do you want to slow down?

• Do you want to go any further?

• Communicating every step of the way. For example, during a hookup, ask if it’s okay to take your partner’s shirt off. Don’t just assume that they are comfortable with it.

• Respecting that when they don’t say “no,” it doesn’t mean “yes.” Consent is a clear and enthusiastic yes! If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says “Maybe…” then they aren’t saying “yes.”

• Breaking away from gender “rules.” Girls are not the only ones who might want to take it slow. Also, it’s not a guy’s job to initiate the action (or anything else, really).

What Consent Does NOT Look Like.

• Assuming that dressing sexy, flirting, accepting a ride, accepting a drink etc. is in any way consenting to anything more.

• Saying yes (or saying nothing) while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

• Saying yes or giving in to something because you feel too pressured or too afraid to say no.

• They pressure or guilt you into doing things you may not want to do.

• They make you feel like you “owe” them — because you’re dating, or they gave you a gift, etc.

• They react negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say “no” to something, or don’t immediately consent.

• They ignore your wishes and don’t pay attention to nonverbal cues that could show you’re not consenting (ex: pulling/pushing away).

Is your relationship really becoming abuse-free? Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out. Make sure to check the box to record your responses. At the end, you’ll find out how to score your answers.

How do you know if you’re taking good care of yourself? Maybe you just got out of an abusive relationship or you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship & the worry is trying to take over. This quiz may be able to help you get a good idea if you are practicing good self care.

Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out. Make sure to check the boxes to record your responses. At the end, you’ll find out how to score your answers.

Have you ever wanted to help a friend in an abusive relationship but didn’t know how? Have you ever tried to help someone and they didn’t end their relationship? Were you disappointed? Did you wonder why you even bothered? Helping a person in an abusive relationship is frustrating sometimes. Be patient. Maybe they will come around and maybe they won’t. But by trying to help you show your friend that you support them and can be trusted. Remember it is difficult and scary to leave an unhealthy relationship. Take this quiz to find out how ready and willing you are to help.